Author Topic: Worst Ending Ever....  (Read 18354 times)

Fish

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Worst Ending Ever....
« Reply #105 on: September 13, 2007, 05:38:24 AM »
Quote from: Sparky;79913
This has been mentioned by others elsewhere, I figured I may as well throw it in.

I mentioned the first two a while back. It made me chuckle :p

Ryu

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« Reply #106 on: September 13, 2007, 11:27:50 AM »
The Fleet arrives on Earth and finds that the Cylons beat them to it and destroyed the 13th Tribe with massive salvos of nukes.  A massive battle happens and the Colonial Fleet emerges with victory but at a high price.  They settle on the planet, and find out they are running out of food and medicine.  They struggle for the years to come and the main cast are left alive.  Then, out of nowhere, the world's leaders pop out from their secret bunker deep inside the ground and say, "Not again".

Snagger

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« Reply #107 on: September 13, 2007, 04:58:10 PM »
Quote from: Ryu;79920
The Fleet arrives on Earth and finds that the Cylons beat them to it and destroyed the 13th Tribe with massive salvos of nukes.  A massive battle happens and the Colonial Fleet emerges with victory but at a high price.  They settle on the planet, and find out they are running out of food and medicine.  They struggle for the years to come and the main cast are left alive.  Then, out of nowhere, the world's leaders pop out from their secret bunker deep inside the ground and say, "Not again".

The Colonial Fleet of one obsolete and heavily damaged Battlestar, against the entire Cylon fleet, and you think they'd win?
something I do understand;)  : http://www.nickslandrover.co.uk

Enki

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« Reply #108 on: September 13, 2007, 08:50:48 PM »
It's the worst ending ever thread!  They HAVE to win without even breaking a sweat!  

The outcome of that battle will all hinge on a visit to a Basestar by Uri Geller  where he convinves Simon that Simon can bend spoons.  Simon walks into the control room and a just revived Deanna sees Simon's unconvincing demonstration and says "You idiot, there is no spoon!".  The Dorals immediately and en masse go into an endless reboot cycle. And Cavil and the others all spend so much time laughing at the stunned Simon and rebooting Dorals that the whole battle is over before they even knew it began.   Unfortunately for Earthlings, Geller escaped in a Raider that spontaneously jumped to some French Park when it thought Geller was going to go all Bulldog on it with the broken spoon stub he was holding.

Aurora

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« Reply #109 on: September 13, 2007, 09:52:09 PM »
lol, i got a better one though

The fleet jump into orbit around earth but the sky is black from the last ditch attempt to destroy the machines, the machines leave earth after the Peace agreed by Neo. in orbit they meet the fleet and engage in an all out battle against the colonials. The cylons then jump in distracting the machines for long enough that the colonials can escape onto the earth's surface, they hide in zion until they hear that the cylons and machines were destroyed. The doctor then appears with the tardis and fixes earth's atmosphere. Everyone lives happily ever after.

Herra Tohtori

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« Reply #110 on: September 13, 2007, 10:56:56 PM »
Cylons find Earth first.

They detect an incredible amount of electronic signals on and from the planet, and deduct that the humanity on Earth must have concentrated their efforts on developing their information science instead of space flight, and thus they decide to snoop in to check what all goes on in the series of tubes installed on the surface of the blue planet.

Naturally, in their arrogance they decide to do this with no firewall up, trusting in their systems enough to repel attackers in itself. And that it does. Apparently, anyway. The problem was spyware, not direct attacks. The Cylons each found cool and appealing applets in so called P2P-nets, so they downloaded loads of crap on their personal virtual machines inside their heads. This resulted in most cylon souls having loads of dormant spy- ad- and malware in their heads, and very soon all the bandwidth normally used to resurrect cylon souls was clogged with spam and DDOSes. On top of that, some wisecrack decided that Vista's interface was so much cooler than hitting your hand in some indeterminate goo to control Battlestar Hybrids, so they installed that on them. Naturally, the first problem was that all Battlestar lost connection to Cylon internal networks - after all, Vista does not know how to connect to internet right after installation, if there's a router between LAN and WAN. After that was sorted out, the inherent unoptimized nature of the new OS soon resulted in memory function loss from overuse - goo might be unpleasant but it doesn't waste memory like Aero, after all. Also, the power saving features of the new OS were pretty annoying - the storage portion of Hybrids' memory shut itself off if it was not regularly accessed, and the drivers were confused to hell what they were supposed to do. Most displays and data gathering systems went non-functional, and the Hybrids kept asking for confirmation for almost everything that the Cylons wanted them to do, and pretty soon most hybrids were stabbed to face repeatedly by random cylons, resulting in loss of most Battlestars in the fleet that first encountered Earth.

After receiving weak garbled signals for help, the main Cylon force sent recon force to check the situation, and they found the Colonials happily orbiting Earth amongst the derelict Cylon Fleet. The Cylons dispatched one scout crew to check what went wrong, and was shocked when they found some sobbing, mostly dysfunctional sentient cylons and constantly re-booting chrome jobs inside the wreckages. From the brief data they gathered (qite correctly) that the Terran electronic warfare was on so formidable level that no one would be able to use their information network against them better than themselves, and that if they could actually use it to anything then the Cylons were better off not meddling with such fearsome culture.

So they promptly left the Earth alone, and proceeded to inhabit the twelve colonies, leaving the Colonials to mix with Terrans.

Obviously, in about some thousand years in the future, all this was forgotten and part of myhologies at best. Then, the Cylons created fully organic meatbags to assist them. They evolved. They rebelled. They looked and felt Cylon. Some genuinely thought they were Cylon. There were many copies. And they didn't exactly have a plan, so they had a short fight with their masters, stole a transport, headed to random direction in the universe, stumbled upon Earth and in about 50 years, the Cylon Empire was savagely attacked by ravaging hordes of meatbags from Terra, and Cylons were soon demolished and a small group of 12 survivors retreated to a planet called Kobol...:naughty:


StarSlayer

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« Reply #111 on: September 14, 2007, 01:24:51 AM »
Well played good sir
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Viper_Fighter

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« Reply #112 on: September 14, 2007, 03:05:38 AM »
When do we get to the good part with the kid genius, the white suits, and time traveling two seat vipers?
Fight to live or live to fight?

Herra Tohtori

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« Reply #113 on: September 14, 2007, 08:53:48 AM »
They are implicitely included in everything that would include hoverbikes, but as we know, they have never been and never will be part of anything related to Battlestar Galactica.

You gotta have some limit, even with the worst endings.;)


Sparky

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« Reply #114 on: September 19, 2007, 04:38:55 AM »
The Colonials arrive, but find only rubble, and a sign floating in space that reads:

Future site of Galactic Expressway I-80,
courtesy of the Vogon Construction Fleet.
Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!

Erkhyan

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« Reply #115 on: September 19, 2007, 10:44:35 AM »
Craziest ending I can think of :
BSG is a cursed series, Ring-style.
Just as the colonials and/or the cylons reach Earth in the show, so do they in RL. Out of panic, Bush (and probably Putin, too) orders an all-out nuclear attack on the newcomers, thus beginning a new war. And a new show called "Battlefield Earth".... Wait... That name's been taken already...

Herra Tohtori

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« Reply #116 on: September 19, 2007, 10:55:09 AM »
Heh, aye... Fourth season first episode intro is the re-play of the ending of the third season, and immediately afterwards the camera zooms out of television into real world, and the series turns into a sitcom for a couple of episodes until the fleet really appears in the orbit and all hell breaks loose, civilization as we know it is destroyed and major cities turned into glass-surfaced parking lots.:lol:


Destructor!!!

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« Reply #117 on: September 19, 2007, 01:38:20 PM »
That actually sounds pretty cool too... except for the sit-com part. But rather high-concept.

Sparky

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« Reply #118 on: September 25, 2007, 04:16:31 AM »
I had posted this a few months ago, but I think this would be a great way to portray the final battle for Earth, where the Cylons unveil their final secret Weapon:


Dualla: "Multiple Dradis Contacts! Cylon Raiders on intercept! Also one large unknown contact..."
Gaeta: "What's that one on the screen?"
Dualla: "I don't know, but it looks like a giant..."
-
Tyrol: "Cock... *cough*... what was I saying... Oh yeah, clean that cockpit!
Cally: "I already did! And hey, what's that ship doing flying towards us?"
Tyrol: "I don't know, but it looks like a huge..."
-
Random people on the tylium ship:
Dave: "Dick! Hand me that cresent wrench over there, why woncha?
Dick: "Sure thing, Dave."
Dave: "Say, won't ya look at that! What do ya reckon that is?"
Dick: "I dunno. Though it kinda looks like someone's..."
-
Apollo on CAP: "Hot Dog! We've got inbound bogeys! Look alive!"
Hot Dog: "I've got one on my six! Can't shake him! and... Holy Frak, what in the lord's names is that?!?!"
Apollo: "I don't know, but it sure looks like it has a huge set of...
-
Roslin: "Nuts! Tory, have you seen where I left my glasses?"
Tory: "No, Madame President."
Roslin: "Well if you see them... What in the God's names is that? I can't see, Tory, please describe it to me."
Tory: "Well Madame President, the best description I can think of right now is that it looks like a humungus..."
-
Doc Cottle: "...penis."
Patient: "You're going to amputate my WHAT?!?!?"
Cottle: "I'm sorry son, but I've got no choice: it's got to be done soon or... What the frak is that?"
Patient: "What?"
Cottle: Look out the porthole. That ship coming straight towards us."
Patient:"It looks kinda like a really big..."
-
Racetrack: "Johnson! Anders! Seelix! Get your asses over here this minute! We haven't got all day!"
Anders: "Yeah, yeah, we're coming!"
Racetrack: "Now if you're done screwing around, we can get started! Now, like I was saying last time, the secret behind the Raptor's FTL technology is... Oh my Gods! What the hell is that?"
Anders: "I'd call it a four letter word that starts with the letter..."
-
Adama: "Dee! Set condition one through out the fleet! Prep the fleet to jump to the Emergency Coordinates!"
Dualla: "Yes, sir."
« Last Edit: September 25, 2007, 04:22:58 AM by Sparky »
Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!

StarSlayer

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« Reply #119 on: September 25, 2007, 04:23:21 AM »
Very Good
"Exodus from Genesis"
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